I feel like I’ve been in a whirlwind recently.
I’ve said to my mother, who is my spiritual mentor in addition to being my mom, that it feels like God has had me on a fast track since He brought me back to Him. Maybe He’s making up for lost time? Maybe there’s a time set on His calendar and I wasted a lot of it in my trip to the “far country”…but His timing is what we go by whether we realize it or not. So maybe He’s got something for me and He’s got me in advanced courses so I can catch up. I don’t know.
I’m thankful that He knows my abilities, knows the way my brain works, knows my frame that it is but dust. Because sometimes I feel overwhelmed with concepts and theories and the immense magnitude of what is in His word, of His truth. And sometimes that can bring my tricky brain to a screeching halt.
I picture a computer system that gets overloaded with the sheer volume of information being accessed. You know that thing that circulates around the internet about your brain…”I feel like my mind is like my web browser…19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from”. That would be me right now.
There’s so much He has shown me, so much He has given me the desire for, so much, so much, so much…and it’s overwhelming.
Sometimes in our quest for more and more of Him we may hit a brick wall. I’ve hit it more than once. And, since I’m such a slow learner, it still takes me some time to figure out what’s going on. Which is where I’ve been this weekend. Scratching my head and trying to figure out why I feel the way I do.
I’ve hit the brick wall. Duh.
So I’ve always had the concept in my head that “hitting the wall” is a bad thing. That it meant you should come to a full stop, it’s a dead end, you’re not going any further that way. And sometimes that is the case. But does that apply when it comes to growing and learning with God?
Do we ever stop learning and growing in our walk with Christ? No we don’t, praise God. We won’t be “done” until we are with Him in Glory. So if we’re never “done” what do we do when we hit that brick wall?
It’s discouraging. Or at least it has been for me. Because it always comes after a time of intense learning, a huge information dump, that Holy high that is so incredible. Riding the wave and then falling off the board. I think there are so many things at work and in play during those times…too many to unpack in this brief post. (And it’s also part of the problem with my tricky brain…I have trouble identifying and focusing on the “main thing”.)
There’s a concept that I believe the Holy Spirit taught me the first time I hit this wall. And it’s the concept that seems to be hard to find the next time I hit it. He has to remind me of it. And I don’t listen very well sometimes, so it takes a little time for the light bulb to turn on. I am so thankful He’s so patient and loving with us.
So the concept He taught me is to go back to the basics. Just camp there for a time. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. That verse is taking on a new meaning for me. I’ve always looked at it as what I should do when I’m overwhelmed with the trouble in this world, and that’s true. But He’s teaching me to look at it differently.
I have asked Him to give me more of Him, as much as I can stand, and He is faithful to do that. He knows my limits better than I do. He knows when I’ve reached the “as much as I can stand” point. I don’t always. I don’t most of the time as a matter of fact. I know when I’ve passed the point of what I can stand, but I don’t always know when I’ve reached it. I’m so thankful that He does.
And at that point, that’s when He encourages my heart to go back to the basics. I don’t have to be overwhelmed or afraid, because He has already given me the basics on which to stand. The Rock. The Foundation.
There are a couple verses in I Kings 19 that keep running through my mind. (You should definitely read the full account…starts in chapter 18…it’s really awesome.) Chapter 19 verse 11 says “Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”
I’ve been in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire…awesome displays of God’s power and might, the enormity of His truth. He exists in all of them, and each has a purpose. But sometimes, He is in the still small voice.
It’s the whisper, it’s the quiet. It’s the stillness. It’s the foundation, the basics. It’s “Be still and know that I am God.”
The basics are that He is Love. He is Light, in Him is no darkness at all. He is truth. He is Goodness and Mercy. He is Faithful. He is the Balm to a troubled soul. He is the strength that is renewed when my hope is in Him. He is my Savior. My Advocate. My Father.
In this journey with Him through this life, I’m sure I will hit that wall many more times. I’m so thankful that He is building the foundation in my heart that will never falter, never fall. He is the Rock upon which I stand. And sometimes all I’m supposed to do is stand there and listen to the still small voice.